If i come over, it means nothing
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
