You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
