I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
