apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
