are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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