Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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