You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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