trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
