guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
