Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
