just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
