his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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