3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
