Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
