An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
