evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
