I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize