oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just high enough for therapy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
