I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
