I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize