You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
