he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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