I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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