I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
