I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
