I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
