so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
