They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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