i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
