ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Shame is for Republicans.
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