we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
