u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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