evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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