R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
