the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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