I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize