I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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