I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
