As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
