two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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