You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
