Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
