i just wanna soil my oats bro
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
