There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
