I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize