Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
