i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
