Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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