I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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