Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
