he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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