And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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