You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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