I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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