It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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