barbara walters just said penis...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
