You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
