Whod you bang
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
