Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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