Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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