How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In other news, I just burned my penis
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
