when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
