what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
this is an emotional support booty call
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
