seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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