i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize