i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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