Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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