I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
