He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
