A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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