I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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