you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
