we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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