Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
