whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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